9 februarie 2014

Panick attack

They say it`s a panick attack.I`ve had these episodes before, and I know it was indeed a panick attack.Yay.I really wonder what`s next.There is stupid asshole girl in the place I live in now and she jokes about everything and everyone.Dreadful creature.I don`t like her.There`s two of them. Both as annoying and idiot.A good friend told me tonight that people become happier when they feel said, it`s like a defense mechanism. You induct that mood to yourself to basically...ignore the bad things that happened.And you get used to it.
I can`t.I will try to. I am becoming antisocial again.These people are just plain idiots and something tells me that the biggest idiot is me.I wasn`t educated in an enviroment of mockery , everyone was polite around me, none told me things - at home- to make me feel bad.
Bullshit.They actually did, but in a nicer, caring way.
Those idiots around me told me stuff that made me feel horrible  also made me become antisocial ^_^.And then was this guy...this friend, that kind of"best friend",the only guy I have ever fallen in love with ,one of the few people I owe a lot to.And he saved me.And now the same thing is happening again, but in another manner.This time I don`t need to be "saved" anymore.This time I don`t care anymore, fuck them.Fuck them all.I will only stay with the people I like , care about , I`m not supposed to stay with those that have got nothing in their little brains.I have found some people that interest me and as long as I don`t get attached, everything is going to be fine.
Not getting attached.That`s the plan.Altough it feels nice to trust someone, to be able to rely on someone and to live nice moments with that person.But sorry, I`d ruther be apparentely cold and not hurt, than attached and suffering.
"Alone is what I have.Alone protects me."

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