28 noiembrie 2014

Macabre moi

this fucking song...

what`s up, me?

Oh, you know, just listening to the same sad songs over and over again, then go to the creepy ones, then go back to blue. Cause these are my only mood lately: black and blue, dark, TARDIS-blue.

'You gave me two cigarettes to smoke my tears away...' [listen to the fucking song!]

My mum came yesterday, her medical tests are allright, she doesn`t have anything bad. Well, not as bad as I tought, anyway. So, what is it then?
you know what it is!

Why am even writing this?
Oh, right, because last week you did a mistake and you smoked what you shouldn`t have and you wrote some shit and you probably want to see it in 6 months- one fucking year- 10 years -never.
So, here we go. This is how broken your subconsiousness is and how fucked up you are:

[btw, erai in cafeneaua aia misto care iti place enorm  aici, era si sushi kid si tipul ala care canta misto, Paul. Si tu stateai la o masa din colt, cu "Misery" pe masa si cu tigarile in fata, agenda si pixul imprastiate peste tot si ceaiul care se racise. Si-ti tremurau mainile si mintea, mai ales mintea.]

"Realitatea mea se sparge iar mintea-mi
risipita in mii de coturi incerc
sa o adun, bucata cu bucata, sa o pun la loc.

Mi-e pofta de sangele cald ce curge
din viata, reinviind sufletul mort
pierdut in Universuri distincte

Ma agat de o ultima suflare si
renasc cu grija pasind in lumea
ce a fost amea
uitata in timp.

Eu sunt luumina intuneric viata prezent viitor timp amintiri!
Ia-mi mana.
Atinge degetele ce cauta in neant negrul
mintii mele
ma apuca de suflet, aruncandu-l spre
o alta lume care nu-i a mea

Simt ca traiesc,Sunt nascuta iar
sub un alt semn,
Capul meu e cap?
Mainile mele apuca alte maini calde ma ridica dar cad

trezeste-ma! tip din pustiu
desertul e atat de aproape de mine
il simt in vene inima
pulsand, simt viata
labritinul meu nemaivazut - zbor!
in subconstient.

opreste-te iti zic, ramai aici!
tristete rusine teama
imi deschid ochii de carne - privesc
sunt aici, acum.
M-am trezit.

Don`t blame it cause it doesn`t rhyme and shit, you wrote it when you still had no idea if the real life is real or not, you were in a trance, your mind was struggling to cope with this world. Consider it research, on yourself.

oh and...
Just... drink more wine. Thinking doesn`t help. It never helped you.
They`re going to watch a movie, why won`t you watch it with them? C`mon! You can do better than this ;)

this whole shitty post is useless, perhaps I should actually write something that would help me in the future

Listen, I know! Let`s talk about what you did this week, it will help you remember.
You started the project with your foreign friend, the photo project, you learned how to edit more in photoshop, you did something very creepy and macaber, you caught a cold, you cried before going to bed, you stoped smoking so much, you stoped drinking so much, you ...you suffered, you got worried because of your mum, you decide now to spend a lot of money anymore, you started anothe book, you missed from college, you started playing wow again, you re-talked with a friend and decided he`s quite nice, you missed a lot of people, you had weird dremas [ like purple-skin weird dreams :D] and you tought about how much your love life sucks :D And how you`re gonna die alone with 72 cats ^^ .
Do you even care?
Do I still even care?

You discovered new cool bands and songs, you ... you... you did nothing. The only thing you`re proud about is the photo project. Fix it.

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